There is a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.

I bought a print with lyrics to my favorite Leonard Cohen song roughly two years ago, and just finally got around to hanging it. It was not intentional, but it turned out the timing was just right:

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The birds they sang

At the break of day

“Start again,”

I heard them say.

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I decided to listen to the song again for the first time in a while and I realized how painfully gorgeous every word in the song was, how perfectly it resonated with my soul right now.

I am starting again; I am broken again. I am trying to push forward and do so with strength, and grace, but I am tired, and frankly, am finding it difficult some days to try. But, the birds urge on, and I comply. What choice do I have? Every day the sun rises, begrudgingly, in the winter sky, and so do I, not exactly sure where I’m heading to next.

I know the light will come. I know the crack has to happen first. But honestly, dear friend, I am tired of rebuilding only to break again. I’m tired of having to walk on unsteady legs, smiling, gritting, pretending. And while I generally embrace the beauty in the lessons life teaches, every bit of my being is screaming Basta!

I’ve written this draft over and over and over again, never exactly sure what to say. I’m still not, but I needed to get some of this out of me, into the ether, away from my broken parts, in hopes of making some room for that light.

For anyone out there also feeling their way through the darkness, this one’s for you: