Park that car, drop that phone (dream about me)

Reflections on weaning off of social media

I feel like I’m coming out from the other side of my social media addiction, although I haven’t been able to break as “cold turkey” as I initially thought, but my engagement is far less and far more passive. Admittedly, it took some time before I didn’t feel a pang when something happened in the “real world” that felt like it’d be fun/important to share—a beautiful new bloom in the garden, something adorable the cat did, some slice-of-life domestic moment. But limiting how much of that I’m sharing into the world and being more selective of the audience who receives those messages allows these quiet bits of living to feel more special. I’m more focused on my own joy vs. how it measures up to an endless stream of other people’s gardens and cats and homemade breakfasts. I spend more time marveling at the magic of my own life and less time wondering how it measures up to others.

That is a bright side. A more challenging bit to all this is getting reacquainted with the loneliness and boredom that comes with living, natural lulls that happen between work meetings or loading the dishwasher or sitting in traffic. I had become so used to having stimulation available on the ready, that it took some time to appreciate being able to just idle without ingesting some form of “content.” And while I can’t say I’m less anxious, I feel like my anxiety is more focused/less scattered (since I’m not ingesting 100 different pieces of information that affect me in different ways), which makes it easier to focus on the source and regulate accordingly.

I’m getting better at forming new habits to replace my old ones. I finally found a “writing nook” setup that I’m happy with—an old wooden writing desk with a fliptop lid I bought at an estate sale, a comfy office chair with the proper support for my old lady back, a tempered glass chair mat so the rug I lovingly picked out for the space doesn’t get obscured by one of those ugly plastic mats. And last week, Bradley’s grandmom gifted me a small footstool I was admiring at their house when we stopped by for a visit. I’m still adjusting to finding the time to dedicate myself to sitting and writing v. getting distracted by the many chores and projects in and outside of the house, but I’m no having to compete with hours of endless scrolling a day.

There are days when I still let myself indulge in social. After Biden suspended his political campaign, I gave myself the day to scroll for hours taking in the hot takes, political commentaries, and ridiculous memes. But the nice difference was I didn’t feel obliged to parttake (especially since viewing Instagram on their website limits how much you can post/respond/react). It forces me to have a filter, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

I don’t like to make sweeping declarations about what my plans for forever will be, but I’m hopeful this distance from social media is a long-term change for me. I feel like my 40s are going to be big for finally tackling some of the bad habits that have been hard to break and finding ways to combat them with peace and grounding. More to say (always), but I have a meeting and want to get this posted.