The romantic in me would like to think that I’ve been up since 2 a.m. because somehow my body is set to the time of another place–some exotic far away city– Paris, maybe, or Barcelona?–and that somehow it is acting out the life I am supposed to be living. I am not awake to be hunched over the computer, trolling the internets waiting for sleep–I am supposed to be picking up the local paper (written in a language I suddenly am able to read), eating croissants and strong coffee.
The realistic part of me who is experiencing this life and this bout of insomnia is feeling the dull ache behind the eyes and the futile exhaustion that I am not able to fend off. It is the me who is experiencing the middle-of-the-night sweat and stench usually reserved for midsummer in early April, awkwardly wrapped in a snuggie that is definitely not appropriate for the current temperature.
I have a lot on my mind, not much of it good. I’m feeling pretty low and restless–not sure if this is the cause of the insomnia or because of it.
I’m just feeling like I need some changes. I need to do a little “spring cleaning” in my personal and professional life. There are too many things that bother and worry me–too many people called “friends” who shouldn’t be–and I think it’s time to reevaluate.
One thing I have learned from the heartaches and hard lessons is that life is so incredibly fucking short and it’s not worth being sad about most things. And even the things worth getting sad about shouldn’t be dwelled on for too long.
So, I’m not going to–not in “real” life and not in this blog.
Instead, here are some things I am currently happy about:
1. The opportunity to hang out with some True Blue friends very soon.
2. The fact that even though I’ve been up for the past 3 hours, I still have a chance to get at least 2 hours of sleep before I have to be in to work.
3. The weather has been really beautiful recently. I’ve finally remembered why it’s so wonderful to live where we do and the winter hunch has finally left my back.
4. I have some pretty awesome people in my family who continue to remind me why family is so important.
5. I have some friends, who although far away, are my pillars. Most specifically, Parr, thank you for always listening to me. Even though we have our moments, you have been one of the only consistent people to see me through since our journey began in C-town.
6. I have some friends locally who are willing to help me and support me when the chips are up and down. There are many of you, and though I won’t name you all individually, I am so thankful to all of you to all of you for that.
7. Kate is coming to town!! After more than a year, I FINALLY get some quality time with Kateness and her sexy Scotsman!
8. I have a loving and supportive husband whose love is unconditional. I am learning how important and special this is more and more each day.
9. We’ve had some really fun hangout time with good friends recently: had a lot of fun with Tim & Jill at the Phils game and enjoyed a lovely dinner with Jen and Mike and about 2 1/2 bottles of wine tonight. Here’s to good company.
10. The unconditional love of pets. Especially mine.
So here’s to life; here’s to the good things, and to the wonderful possibility of change, a new perspective, and some good ol’ fashioned reevaluation.
Goodnight friends. And good morning.
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