Calgon, Take Me Away.

There are days now where I can completely forget that my mother existed; days where I think I am over her, over the pain of her absences. And then there are moments that bring me right back to her in an instant, and I know that–for better or worse–she’ll never really leave my side.

Today was thanks to Mrs. Meyer’s Blue Bell-scented cleaning spray. I’ve used it before and had a slight disdain for it, thinking I just didn’t like the fragrance. It wasn’t until tonight it finally hit me: it was the scent of her bath oil, sold in a plastic bottle with the cap the color of the bathroom tile. She kept it under the sink.

There’s plenty to be argued about what happens when someone dies and if there's any place to go once you do. I’ve struggled with my notions about this, but I’ve always taken some comfort in the idea that if nothing else, they're back to being stardust and carbon, floating out there in the collective space.

But my mom is living in limbo–here, but not here, unable to escape.

#insidemyhead #blergh #alzheimers #musings #family #endalz